previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
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tough
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r
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Recommend it.
This is going to be a very 4D experience
I'm going to have to give at this next puppet show.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
He, him also with me today is Karla Maxted.
She, her.
I am playing Norixious Akra, who you probably know as Glim,
a Dragonborn PAlydin, also she, her.
And Amy More.
Yeah, I'm here, she, her, and I play Sullivan Sleight,
a Lightfoot Halfling rogue.
But you, just you, can call him Sully.
Tom Laird.
Oh, hey, that's me.
I play Moot.
We both go by he, him, and he is a wild magic half-orc sorcerer.
Forgot there for a second.
Can't remember if I said Sully was he, him.
Sully's he, him.
You got it.
I don't know.
But now you did.
I do now.
It feels, I mean, we played last week,
as far as we're concerned.
But it feels like it's been such a long, long time
since we've hung out, just the four of us.
As we're recording this, I mean,
you're going to listen to this around Christmas time.
But as we're recording this, this
is just out of summer break.
And we're feeling right ready to go for this.
Oh, we're right ready.
We're right ready.
Spin us right round, right ready, like a record baby,
right round.
I'm side A.
Well, all the cool stuff's on side B, though.
That's not true.
Isn't it?
You know what's kind of like the cool side B is Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cat.
It's a good thing I didn't say
what I was going to say about side B.
No.
Good for you, Amy.
You kept your mouth shut.
Where we'd love for you to join us.
And when you do join us on Patreon,
not only do you get access to a whole bunch of great bonus
content, like episodes, and Hangouts,
and the Discord communities, and things like that.
But you also get an episode dedicated to you,
like today's patron, Lulahan.
Lulahan.
I stand by my words of our listeners have the best names.
Yes, that's a good one.
That just rolls off the tongue, hey?
Is it Lula-han or Lulahan?
Is it one?
Lulahan.
Is it two O's?
Is it a U?
What are we talking here?
L-L-O-U, Lahan.
I was not expecting that.
Me neither.
Lulahan or Lulahan.
Oh, my.
I believe it's a combination of first and last names.
I'm into it.
Me too.
Yeah.
Thanks, Lulahan.
Yes, thank you.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
we hope to see you over there.
And now, as our dog is crying, fuck it, let's play.
You've been spending some time in Deremar
under the good graces of Queen Calichris Borwyn,
who has put you to work after your successful tracking
and slaying of the nightgarm.
It's a beautiful morning and the three of you
are sitting at the local breakfast buffet
called This Counts as Breakfast.
When Glim is recounting the tales
of the previous day where she was asked
to inform the local school children
of the benefits of heart health and the favor of Bahamut.
You guys, you would have loved it.
These kids, they were so great.
They were so excited to hear about Bahamut
and also to watch me do feats of strength,
but mostly Bahamut,
but maybe also mostly like the feats of strength.
Like they had these ropes and I climbed up the ropes
and then I did flips and then, you know,
I did one arm pushups and then one of the kids
sat on me and I did one arm pushups
and then two of the kids sat on me
and they got up to like six kids.
And I think I really inspired them to stay fit,
stay active and find a little time in every day
just to tell Bahamut, you know, how much they like him,
let him know what's going on with them.
Just, you know, like the normal communing stuff.
Sure. Yeah.
Now let's go back a little bit.
There's one arm pushups.
Oh, sure. Yeah.
You can do them with one arm.
You do it on your knuckle.
You can do the pushup, you know, here, I'll show you.
And then you like get down and you do the pushup
and then you clap and then you do the,
haven't I seen you doing some of these, Moot?
I don't, probably not.
No, maybe though.
Maybe it could have happened.
I saw Moot Bendover wants to get his pencil.
Maybe that's what I, maybe that's what it is.
Yeah, that's like one in the same.
Yeah. Well, if you ever want me to like spot you
while you do reps or like work on technique or anything,
just let me know.
I'm totally happy to do it anytime.
Yeah, let's maybe like in the near future.
That sounds good.
Like not now, cause I save a lot of waffles, but.
Your waitress, a small halfling comes over,
Squinda is her name.
And she hands you the check and says,
eh, that everything for you.
Another coffee, some more waffles there.
You're looking like you enjoy the waffles.
I love the waffles, but I think I'm okay.
Like 12 is probably my limit, so.
Well, I mean, you could take some to go.
Oh, is that a thing we can do?
Yeah, sure, why not?
You got dragon bags here, right?
Absolutely, we've got them, they're the,
they hold the most.
So that's what's on the dragon bags.
They hold the most.
Keeps them fresh and holds the most.
It's an evolving slogan that they're working on.
That's very impressive.
I was gonna say, it's ever changing.
Yeah, you know, it's a new product to the city.
So once we land on a one that fits,
you tell me, they hold the most.
How's that one?
It's pretty good, yeah.
Okay, they keep them fresh and hold the most.
That's too much.
It's very busy.
Dragon bags, because you're gonna eat like a dragon.
Oh no, I think that's, that's marginalizing
a group of people saying they all eat the same thing.
Oh, fair enough, good, good call.
Yeah, yeah, good.
We need to make sure we send some of this
through sensitivity training, that's good.
Okay, so hold the most, hold the most, good.
Well, yeah, you want to take a lot of food home.
Hold the most, three checks for hold the most.
Okay, good.
Well, just one.
And I also vote hold the most.
Yeah, that's the way I'm going too.
Yeah, okay, two checks.
Oh no, sorry, I thought you meant one check.
We're just together.
Oh no, she meant like three tallies for that.
No, yeah.
I misunderstood, I thought she was bringing us
three checks.
No, yeah, you mentioned as you came in,
you have one money sack that you use collectively,
so I just figured.
We're best friends, so we just share.
That you wouldn't just each individually
reach into the money sack and pull out
what you require, but one of you
would reach in and pull out.
No, you know what they say, one sack, many hands.
Oh, that's an even better saying.
Dragon bags, one sack, many hands.
That's my saying.
I think I saw a video like that once.
She settles up with you and takes the check away,
and you get up taking your waffles
and your dragon bags and anything else
that you slipped in there,
and you hear heavy footsteps running down the street,
and you hear the sound of Terry's voice,
and he's followed by his dog
that I can't remember what we named,
but he's followed by his dog.
Where's Terry again?
Terry's the guard who took you into the scary forest.
Yeah, Terrence, I don't have his dog's name
written down.
I'm in a new notebook, guys,
so the past is nothing but a mystery.
The past is just, fuck it.
I do have Markey Bark written down
next to it somewhere,
so maybe that's something to do with it.
Because that dog was new, right?
That dog was found out in the woods,
so Markey Bark is probably it.
Did I come up with that?
Did you come up with that?
I have no idea.
Who came up with that?
It's brilliant.
That one was an Amy.
Oh, it seems like yeah.
It was a list, yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Looking at my notes, it's like,
we need a new dog.
I have no recollection of those.
We need a new dog.
I need to name a real dog this.
Regardless of the dog's name,
Terry's running, Moot, Glim,
you're there now, too, and Sully.
Hey, Terry, what's up?
Excuse me.
Yeah, come here, dog.
There was a bit of an accident,
and Queen Calacriss wants you to come.
Maybe you thought you might be able to help us with it.
The nature of this accident is?
It was a bit of an explosion.
Oh God, was it jam?
No, no, it wasn't jam.
Also, I don't think explosions are referred to
as a bit of an explosion, usually.
Fair, I was trying to downplay it for the people.
It was a large explosion
that may or may not have killed somebody.
Oh, jeez. Oh, no.
What are we just standing around talking for?
Lead the way, Terrence.
All right, we're headed to Murlock's workshop.
You're standing outside Murlock's workshop.
Has it been exploded?
Was it like half a block down,
like we could see it from where we were?
That's right.
Yeah, you could see it.
There was smoke billowing out of the window.
Just Calc's breakfast was literally kitty corner to it.
Yeah, as it happened,
you thought it was just a rumbly in your tumbly,
and yeah, but no, you're standing outside.
We cut ahead to Murlock's workshop.
The four of you, plus the dog, are all out there,
and it's the workshop of Murlock the Magnificent,
who is, or perhaps was,
after further investigation, maybe.
He was a local wizard and alchemist.
Was?
Well, I mean, you don't know
if he's in there or not, I think we're at the present time.
Is there like a fire brigade outside or something?
Yeah, there's some people throwing buckets of water
into the situation. Just around?
Just everywhere.
Just behind them?
Buckets of water.
The ALS ice bucket challenge.
Well, we don't know what set off the explosion,
so we don't want to toss water in there
for fearing that the water mixes
with something that maybe explodes.
You don't want to put water on a grease explosion
that's really dangerous.
Yeah, and working in a kitchen,
I definitely have done that a few times.
I've seen someone do that a few times.
Yeah, and every time that I walked in there
with a drink or something,
Murlock would get very upset
and say that I would probably spill it,
and something could happen.
And is that what happened?
I was not there when the explosion happened.
If that's what you're insinuating,
I was at home. It seems like maybe
you were confessing,
and you had eating dog. Little bit, little bit.
Yeah, no, it wasn't confessing.
Just a prior experience with Murlock the Magnificent.
Who was very magnificent.
I don't really deal with a lot of fire investigations,
though. How about you three?
Are you okay? You're looking a little white,
a little pale on the face.
Do you need to put your head between your knees?
I just ran from here to the castle,
back here in full-plate armor.
Yeah, you probably could've sent a message or something.
Yeah, I'm feeling a little low.
Blood sugar's a little low, but...
Oh, have a waffle.
Oh, thank you.
It's still warm.
Yeah, the dragon bakes keep them warm.
Oh, keep them nice and warm.
Yeah, that's toasty on the fingertips there.
That's nice.
So what are we looking at, Russ?
Is it like just smoke coming out?
Is it engulfed in flames?
What are we dealing with?
Like blown out windows?
What is the explosion situation?
So it looks like it's in a line of storefronts
that are kind of old-timey feel to them
if we were to equate it to something
that we would see on a regular day.
Like a malt shop kind of thing?
Sure, yeah.
Oh, okay, that's whimsical.
I'm very into it.
Fancy sign, which is now scorched
over the front entrance.
It says, Murloc's Workshop.
It has an image of a wizard with frazzled hair
and a wand pointing up to the sky with a big explosion.
Oh, sorry.
The windows themselves have been-
I mean, how foretelling?
Is this some sort of guerrilla marketing scheme?
I mean, we don't know.
We'll find out, we'll find out.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll piece it all together.
The windows themselves, there's two large
or were two large play glass windows.
They have been blown out.
Glass is in the street and there is smoke billowing.
It looks like most of the fire
has burned down at this point.
You can look inside and see smolders or small flames,
but nothing major from the outside.
It's not like a raging inferno anymore.
It is not.
Well, I'm fire resistant.
So I'm happy to, you know.
Check it out.
Go see, see if we've got a Murloc we need to save.
Glim, you go in the front entrance
and the air is very sooty and thick.
And you walk in and through
and you don't see anybody immediately as you walk in.
All of the shelves,
which looked like they were set up previously,
have kind of been blown from what looks to be
the back left corner and blown out and back
towards the glass and knocked down in that direction.
Murloc, are you okay?
Are you in here?
You wait for a moment, but no response comes back.
Guys, it seems kind of okay in here.
He's not in here, but you're probably okay to come in.
Oh, okay.
Take a step in and it's definitely an odor in here.
That's for sure.
Yeah, what's that smell that's like?
Smells kind of froggy, doesn't it?
You know, I wasn't thinking that,
but now that you say it, that's exactly correct.
Yeah.
With a hint of cinnamon.
Yeah.
No, that's a waffle, that's a waffle you got there.
Got some in my mustache here, I was gonna get that.
Piece by piece, we're getting a picture.
Terry's really filling in.
It seems like maybe the explosion
kind of centered around that back corner.
Yeah, I mean, it definitely kind of seems like
everything's. Everything's kind of
blowing out from that direction.
Can I make an investigation check?
Look at me.
Oh yeah, Gabe.
Playing D&D and not just.
That's how you play.
Ooh, 17.
Oh.
Guys, that's my one best role,
I wasted my best.
Fire Marshal Sully, investigate.
Yeah, how good he'd look in one of those hats.
Oh damn, Sully in a uniform, yes please.
You walk.
Are you going back to where it looks like.
No, I strut.
Okay.
Oh.
Cause he's a Fire Marshal now.
You walk in, strut in and past,
moving towards where you believe
the explosion to have originated.
As you get back there, you don't see any body.
There is a robe, like a very burnt up and frayed
and not singed, it's burnt.
A burnt up robe in a pile of what looks like
surrounded by what looks like ash
that doesn't quite belong with everything else around.
Hey, I found something over here.
Does this look all weird to you?
Just a pile of robes, some ash.
I'm thinking this guy was a phoenix.
Somebody dig through those ashes
and see if he has reborn himself.
I mean, this ash is really pink.
It's pretty strange, right?
Everything else is ash colored, like a gray.
Sure, sure.
I wanna pinch it between my fingers.
This is really pink and sparkly looking.
Hey, Jerry, did Murloc wear a lot of robes?
Terry, I think he's talking to you.
Oh, oh, sorry.
Sorry, just over here at the bookshelf.
I didn't know if Jerry was a nickname.
I get T's and J's confused a lot.
Oh, oh, oh, okay.
It's a condition.
I had a cousin like that.
They kept calling me.
Jerry?
Jumbo.
What?
Yeah, well, hey, and if you threw a Jerry
with a G at me, I'm lost completely.
Yep, fair enough, fair enough.
Sorry, what was your question?
Did Murloc wear a lot of robes?
Do you know?
Oh, yes, well known for robes.
Oh.
Did this look like one of his?
He goes over and look.
Somebody roll me a D20 for Terry.
Okay.
Two.
It was a two that I rolled.
Oh, he's fucking dead.
So this dice, going in jail.
You just killed him.
Oh no, poor Jerry.
Wait, wait, what's the wizard's name again?
Murloc.
Right.
There's no Jerry, don't worry.
No, okay, well, we're all like, who's Jerry?
Oh, looks like Jerry died here.
God, poor Jerry.
Our body counts go through the roof.
No.
Terry goes over and bends down and looks at the robes.
He's like, well, they're pretty burnt.
I mean, he holds them up.
It's about the size,
but I can't tell if they're exactly his.
This is weird pink dust.
Yeah, that was gonna be our next question.
Did Murloc ever change?
I was like, Merlin, no.
Warlock, no.
Put those two together.
Combine those two.
Did he ever change into, like,
perhaps a pile of sparkly pink dust?
Not that I've ever seen.
To pass by a piss pink dust.
No, I mean, it's got a lot of, like, dust and vials
of, like, liquids and stuff, like, powders
and all that sort of thing,
like, along the walls there
and probably more downstairs.
Glim, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to do this here,
but you gotta take the waffles out of your dragon bag.
I think this dust may be important.
Let's put it in the bag and keep it fresh.
Okay, you're right,
but I'm not just gonna throw these out
so everybody, like, waffle up.
Waffle, waffle, waffle.
Okay, yeah.
Waffle interlude.
I didn't think they'd let you take eight of them,
but here we are.
Wow.
Thank God.
Well, it's good.
We get to have two each.
Feeling a lot better, you know,
it's a little warm in here.
Gosh, I should stop wearing my plate mail
just on casual days.
Yeah.
Wait, you're not even working today?
No, I was just a passerby
and I was, you know, going down to the plate mail fair
and, you know, where you go show off
all of your plate mail.
Sure, yeah.
Like a weekly, a monthly, a yearly, what's?
It's a fortnightly occurrence.
Oh, okay, all right, yeah.
Every 14 days, good thing we have a 10-day calendar,
so every 14 days we go down and meet
and show off our plate mail.
It's a rotating.
It must be really hard to actually remember
what day it's on with that 10-day calendar
and 14-day intervals.
Yeah, it's not a great idea.
Probably why you just wear it all the time
so you don't forget.
Exactly.
Just in case.
Which, I mean, it's down where I get my usual sandwiches
in the morning.
Why is Terry important?
Because you introduced him to us.
I know.
Yep, we've made him important.
We've bestowed importance upon.
Do you guys ever feel that way?
It's like, you know what?
You're gonna be somebody if we want you to be.
He has achieved sexy goblin status.
It's true.
Terry's gonna be with us for a while.
Russ gave that server at the brunch restaurant
a real wacky name.
Think we might launch out to them.
Nope.
We didn't.
Nope, squinda, poor squinda.
Give us a little tear bear.
Do we at least tip her?
Of course we did.
We're not monsters.
I would assume so.
Of course we did.
Or maybe, hey, maybe in favor and tipping isn't a thing
because people just get paid a proper wage.
Perhaps they do.
I like to think that.
Let's do that.
Okay, that's a good idea.
That's nice.
I have a tiny broom and dust pan in my bag
so I get that out and collect.
Sweep it all in there.
Now how tiny are we talking?
Are we talking tiny like it came out
of a Christmas cracker tiny or just a small version?
Let's say it is for Sully a normal size
like little whisk broom and dust pan
but for me that looks like it's like a quarter size.
Love it.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, it's probably a good idea to collect that.
You never know what might have been used
to start this explosion.
Oh, well, yeah.
That didn't even occur to me
that it was the accelerant. Me neither.
I guess it could be quite flammable.
So you're thinking maybe it wasn't an accident.
Well, I mean, I don't know.
I even know Murloc to set off some poofs
and some booms and some rattles.
What other kind of animal appears did you hear him do?
Clang-a-lang-a-langas.
Go on.
Are you writing this down?
I'm writing them all down.
Clang-a-lang-a-langas.
Like a whiz bang?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You might've heard that one.
What about a zing pop?
Ooh, good one.
Yeah, I probably heard that too.
Okay.
What about a whoop whoop?
I'm just furiously writing these down.
Whoop whoop.
Oh, you've heard the whoop whoops?
Fuck.
Can't wait for the moot note on this one.
Oh, it's just gonna say whoop whoop.
It's probably gonna be whiz bang.
But maybe, maybe it could have been
or maybe it's something different.
I don't know.
Like I said, not a fire marshal.
Was Murloc like cool or not cool?
Oh.
Like was he a narc?
What do you mean by that?
What makes someone cool?
Yes, please give me a description of cool.
Sully takes out his notebook.
Terry also takes out his notebook.
Guys, you know what cool is.
You get all your work done.
You exercise a lot.
You praise Bahama, you know, cool stuff.
Oh, I'm so sorta cool.
Yeah.
What I meant was though,
specifically I didn't mean that stuff.
I should have been more clear.
Does he have enemies?
Does he have bad?
Is he a bad guy or is he like,
people are pretty chill with him?
People generally pretty chill.
I mean, he kind of takes,
I mean, he takes care of all the alchemy needs here,
you know, all the healing potions
and making sure everybody's got their salves
and love potions here.
Love potions.
It's something that he's working on on the side.
Does he, anything with gnomes?
And all their like,
lang-a-lang-a-lang-langs
and all their diddy whoop-whoops.
Gnomes and whoop, yeah, definitely the whoop-whoops.
I don't think he's working with gnomes,
although, I mean, he doesn't let anybody downstairs.
So.
Guys, you gotta go downstairs.
You gotta look, maybe he's downstairs.
Yeah, it sounds like downstairs is the place to be.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, he doesn't let anybody downstairs.
He doesn't seem to be here.
Come on downstairs with us.
All right, Jerry, let's go downstairs.
He could be hurt down there.
We gotta go make sure he's fine.
That's right.
Yeah, no, I mean, I'm a guard.
I'm in charge here.
That's fine.
We can go downstairs and investigate.
It's for the better, you know, to make sure we see.
You know, I did a short stint once as an investor dial
and I just have to say,
you gotta look in every room
just in case a dead body's not in the room
that you're in right now.
Oh, that seems like sage advice.
Terry also writes that down.
You head back just a little bit more through a hallway
and down a set of stairs.
Everybody, Celia will keep your investigation
where it is right now.
Everybody else roll investigation
as you are proceeding through the building.
Proceed.
12.
Seven.
Wow.
Had to look at my bonuses, it's been so long.
I know, me too.
What's an investigation?
Okay.
As you're walking down the stairs, who's going first?
Probably Terry.
Terry would go first.
He's in full plate mail.
He's leading the way.
The man's gotta go first.
If he falls and he's last, he'll crush us all.
That's true.
We could all die.
This could be like a quintuple homicide.
Oh, no.
Worst TPK ever.
Terry is heading down the stairs
and Glim, as you're following behind,
you see there's a set of small,
like there's soot all kind of down these stairs.
The door was open as you were approaching it
and there's soot and dust all down the stairs.
You see two sets of footprints.
One is much smaller than the other
and both are going up and both have gone up and down.
Looks like they're going in both directions.
The footprints, not the person.
You just look very confused at how footprints.
No, I understand what you're saying.
Okay.
There are two sets of footprints,
one going downstairs, one going upstairs.
No, they both look like they have traversed
up and down these steps.
And is this dust the pink dust
or this is just normal dust or is it ash?
This looks to be more a mix of
like normal household dust and accumulation
but also ash from the explosion.
You don't see any of that pink dust
that you have collected, but yeah,
just more of the soot from the general burning
of the building and that sort of thing.
One of the footprints look like they have gone
through this where the other one looks
like it's only going through the dust.
Terry.
Yep, yep.
So Murlock, is he quite a diminutive person?
Does he have little teeny tiny feets
or just more regular?
Pretty, pretty regular.
I mean, they're usually under the robes.
I never asked him to show me his feets before.
Oh, he goes with the floor length.
Good choice.
Yeah, well, I mean, he told me
that's how wizards wear them.
Agree to disagree.
Yes.
Wait a minute, hold on.
Is yours knee length?
I don't wear robes.
But he's been around a few wizards.
Knee length robes.
I mean, maybe we'll get a fashion update.
Does Terry have a child or a small friend?
I mean, there's these two sets of footprints
and one looks like, you know,
kind of regular grown-up size
and one seems very small.
Okay, hold on, this is Terry.
And I think who you're asking about,
and normally this is my problem,
but I'm gonna blame it on the waffles
because like, you really went hard on the waffles.
So the person is Murlock.
Oh, I'm sorry, Terry, you're right.
Yeah, it's Murlock.
Terry's like, Terry doesn't know if he has children.
Terry's got a new dog now.
Anyone else imagining Terry from Brooklyn Nine-Nine?
Oh, sure, yeah.
Oh, that's where I'm at.
I'm sorry.
No, that's okay, that's okay.
No, they didn't make any sense.
You're in with Queen Calacriss,
you can call me whatever you like.
All the smoke and like,
there's probably some fumes from the alchemy supplies
and something's making it.
Oh yeah, the alchemy supplies,
definitely from alchemy supplies.
Yep, anyways, I believe you were asking about Murlock,
did not have an assistant or a child
or that I know of regular visiting small friends.
He was very particular about keeping people
out of down here,
which is why I'm hesitant to continue down here
having been told so vigorously to stay out of down here.
You say the middle and that's where we are.
The middle, the middle.
I don't know why we said the middle.
It's where we are.
It took me a second, but I got there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here we are.
Now we're here.
And we're in the middle.
What are we talking about today, everybody?
There's something pretty big
that's happening over on Patreon.
We finally released our Grants is Flaming Kins episode.
Oh yeah, that too, the Kraken as well.
The Grants is Flaming Kins episodes.
The first one part one of two.
Yes.
So today, it's a two part.
It's a two part.
I had no idea.
I didn't know.
We recorded it in one and then I stopped halfway.
So there will be two parts.
Oh, OK.
See, we all learn something in these for us to.
Oh, Amy's dying.
Oh, no.
Amy heard her back.
So throw some thoughts her way.
Yeah.
Send some positive vibes to Amy while you go to Patreon.
And if you're the one person out there with your Amy voodoo doll
that you've stabbed in the back, please take the pin out.
Please stop.
We've released the episode now.
Nobody has one of those out there.
You got you don't know.
You don't know that.
Loveable and adorable.
Agreed.
So it's just you doing it to yourself.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I am accident prone.
Not unlike Grants is true.
I would feel like there's something stacked against Grants is.
I never thought I would have so much in common with Grants is.
But here we are to find out if you have something in common with Grants
is why don't you go hop on over there and take a listen
to our flamingo Grants episode.
I feel like Carla, you were sending people there
and then we talked about how Amy was dying.
So I didn't bring it up.
I was just dying semi quietly over here.
Oh, there she goes again.
Now, is this what the French call a petite mort?
Is that what this is?
No, I wish.
I wish. Oh, God damn it.
That is not what's happening.
I don't know what to say to you right now.
Oh, my God.
You guys could just put your hands into the frame.
That'd be great. Just to clarify.
It's not yours, John.
I'm sweating so much.
Oh, none of this is getting all of that.
So go over to Patreon, Patreon dot com slash.
Do it for Amy.
It'll help my back feel better.
Every new patron will help Amy's back feel better.
Maybe I'll be able to afford the medicine the doctors that I need.
We're in Canada, we can afford it, but other things.
This one, the seat on the rail so good, guys.
Yeah, this is our our best work yet.
We've been I would talk about the goals that we have coming up
with live shows and stuff, but we'll save that for next time.
OK, bye, everybody.
Well, what if he was up to something shady, right?
Or what if he was in trouble down here
and we had to come down here to help him?
We're here to help a footed friend.
No, yeah, no.
I mean, we're doing it. We're in it.
We're investigating. Wait, Sully, out of curiosity,
can we just compare your.
Footprint to these footprints, just to see if it's like
maybe a halfling footprint.
Oh, I mean, yes, you're our first suspect.
All right. Oh, no, I didn't mean that.
I just I was like, we assumed potentially a child, but maybe just a halfling.
Right. Right. That makes more sense to me while I was eating breakfast.
Yeah. Also, we were at the breakfast restaurant for a few hours.
Yeah. No, that's fair.
I was I was just getting swept away in the majesty.
It's fine. It's fine.
Of this investigation. Sully tries to put his foot beside it without.
Disturbing the crime scene.
Yes, it looks to be
about the same size as your footwear.
I've solved it. Oh, great.
Hit us with your theory, perhaps.
Well, this doesn't sound like you've solved it at all.
The waitress.
Oh, well. I mean.
Maybe. Well, I don't know.
It's the only other halfling I've seen around.
Yeah, fair. Yeah.
So, I mean, I have no proof.
I have zero, zero proof to back that up.
And and frankly, actually, I'm I'm a little disappointed in myself.
I just I.
It seems like maybe you just got a little bit excited and ahead of yourself.
Yeah, I got carried away, you know, and obviously it's a halfling footprint.
You know, I want to point the finger away from myself.
You guys know I'm innocent, though, right? Right.
Yeah, totally, totally. It's fine.
Moot writes down Sully Suspect.
Fuck you, Tom. There's the moot note.
OK. Yeah.
OK, so somebody perhaps halfling size.
All right. I'm going to keep going downstairs.
We've only made it to the first landing.
Oh, there's more downstairs.
Well, yes, this is a very small, almost broom closet size turnaround.
You know, I have to say, Tare Bear,
for someone who was repeatedly told not to come downstairs,
you sure know a lot about the downstairs here.
He takes just a half step to the side.
So, well, there was more stairs.
Oh, I didn't see the stairs.
OK. You know what?
Playmale takes up most.
It's a big wide, wide stance.
I didn't mean to cast aspersions.
I was just thinking like it didn't make sense that you knew so much
about this downstairs when no one else saw any stairs.
But, you know, there they are.
They were there the whole time.
Maybe all businesses are built like similar models or something.
I've seen blueprints at City Hall.
Yeah, very similar.
Anyways, you proceed downstairs, cut to the bottom of the stairs.
And you get down there.
Why cut to?
You don't want to take us down each stair?
Just in case something happens between between these next seven stairs.
You make it.
I have seven other like prospective.
Cut to the bottom of the stairs.
Excellent.
And you enter what looks to be a kind of like a nursery cook lab of sorts.
It is the way you could probably describe it with all the beakers
and Bunsen's and all that sort of stuff.
It looks like a lot of it has been tossed.
Glass is broken on the countertops.
There is a big, long bookshelf that extends most of this room,
which is a pretty like the room itself is as long as basically the entire building.
There's no other rooms off of it.
It's just one large basement area.
It doesn't even look completely developed, so to speak, just long tables,
this long bookshelf that extends the entire way.
And a lot of the books have been torn down.
And you see the footsteps that you saw going down the stairs.
You see like bits, partial footprints moving in and amongst all of this chaos.
And both sizes still?
Yeah, the smaller footprints you see,
they appear to have kind of like a frantic pattern to them,
moving to different shelves, more scuffing.
The other set of footprints is not as panicked.
It's more methodical and it looks like a regular path to and from the bench
and bookshelves and that sort of thing.
And again, that set of footprints, the more methodical looking one,
doesn't have any of the ash around it or carried along with it.
Gosh, this guy was a slob. Look at this place.
He must not. It can't normally look like this.
I mean, no, it kind of looks like somebody was was looking for something.
Oh, but what?
Hmm. Well, we should probably take a look around, see if we can find anything.
Do I have to roll another investigation check?
Let's do it. New investigation.
Eleven. It's not as good as it was.
Oh, hey, same thing.
Oh, seventeen. Oh, wow.
OK. Tell me I find something that's like
a dusty shelf.
And then one thing has been removed from said dusty shelf.
And I know exactly what it is by the outline.
It was pretty good roll.
It's a really good roll. Really good roll.
All right. The four of you kind of spread out.
Moot, where do you go?
We've got a table with a whole bunch of stuff on it.
There's papers bunched up all over it.
There's also a bookshelf with bookshelves.
Great. Where does everybody else go?
I want to look at all of the
are the Bunsen burners on?
Can I tell that with an eleven?
You could tell that with an eleven.
It doesn't appear that the Bunsen burners are active.
I do want to go to the lab.
Table. There is another word for that.
Station. Yeah. Yeah, I want to go there. Sure.
OK, you're going to go to the station.
Glim, what do you want to what catches your eye?
I think I'm going to like walk around the perimeter
of this large basement room to see if there's any other
like doors or hatches or anything.
I mean, I rolled an eleven, so I won't see them anyway,
but that's my intention. Sure.
OK, you three disperse.
Terry rolled a seventeen as well.
He was going to go look at the books with Moot.
So Moot, you go over to the books and you begin
looking all over the shelves and picking some up.
And one book in particular, as you're going through,
you're down here for a while going through some of this stuff,
catches your eye.
And it's an old journal, it looks like, with no title on it,
just like a black leather bound journal.
Oh, I can see why it would catch my eye.
I know. Raisman's so horny right now. Jesus. That's right.
And I mean, it catches your eye, not because it stands.
Well, I mean, it does stand out because a lot of the other books
are brightly colored.
A lot of them are potion and spell books.
I mean, as someone who journals and takes notes,
this sounds like the most appealing book there could be.
And you begin skipping through it and a few things catch your eye.
One is that it starts off
with what looks like perhaps
you could presume Murloc's research into wild magic.
Oh, I like this.
And it goes into trying to find a source
and trying to access it and use it in his spells.
As you kind of quickly scan through,
the writing becomes more erratic
with no longer following the smooth lines of the page,
big drawings of like spiraling effects.
And it gets to the last page, which is basically just like this
hard sketched image.
It's hard to describe even as you look at it.
Like it looks like a face or a figure.
But it's like nothing you've ever seen before.
I show a Tare Bear and I see this.
Does this look familiar to you at all, Terry?
Oh, that looks kind of scary, doesn't it?
Yeah, yeah, that's why I think maybe it's something that you've seen before.
No, nothing, nothing here.
Let me just kind of flip back through the book.
I mean, this looks like
Murloc's writing, though, at least at least towards towards the beginning.
Yeah, it tends to get a little
erratic, wild, terrified.
Can writing be terrified?
Could be, could be terrified.
Yeah, that's a good way to describe this.
But that image, it's going to haunt my dreams.
Cut over to Sully and you're looking over at the table,
the workstation, the lab station, the bench.
Lab station, I think station was where I was looking for it.
Station's a good one.
You go over to the station and you're, I mean,
a lot of broken glass, a lot of liquids poured out
and like dripping down onto the floor, bright colors everywhere.
You get down to one end and it looks like
there's a tossed over
seat on the floor.
And it looks like a writing portion of this station.
It's, of course, tossed in all over the place.
But there's balled up notes
kind of piling off
of this part of the station.
I definitely want to look at those notes.
What I was generally trying to look for before was like a recipe book
or like whatever warlocks or wizards, sorcerers used to do alchemy.
So and that maybe could explain the explosion.
So I want to unball these notes.
You unball them.
And this one says.
Will you have dinner with me?
And then a yes and a no with two and then a maybe with boxes next to them.
There's one that's folded up like a triangle and it's got different
numbers on it and then different colors.
Yeah. Yeah.
Which one does which one does Glenn find?
There's one that says MASH and then it's a list of names
like there's Terry's on there and Queen Calla, Chris and also Simone.
And there's a little heart beside that one.
So, you know, which one
Merlock was kind of hoping to get and different salary ranges,
different kinds of careers, you know.
Right. Yeah. Yeah.
And Terry walks over and opens one up.
And there's a note that says, I'm coming for your recipes, Merlock.
Is it signed by anyone?
No. And Terry opens it.
Yeah, because you guys were opening MASH and.
Terry, did you say anything?
Mine's like a third grader's love note.
I don't know. Oh, yeah.
Mine says I'm coming for your recipes, Merlock.
I've probably just meatloaf or something there.
Well, I mean, was he famous for his meatloaf?
No, let's just say it.
I don't know. He never made me meatloaf.
Well, I think it might be his like,
you know, his potions, recipes and stuff.
Oh, that makes sense.
Careful, Grantus. Oh, that makes sense.
They're so close.
OK, so somebody maybe he opens another one
and you all open other ones.
And there are you see ones that are like, you owe me.
And just very threatening, non-descript, generic
looks like they've been
used to perhaps threaten Merlock.
Well, it looks like we've got some threats here.
Is this like motive or this is like, no, no, no, never mind.
You know what?
I had such a short time in my stint with the investor dials
that I just, you know, it's buried deep, though.
So anyway, we should.
This is evidence and we should gather it up for
handwriting recognition.
Oh, yeah, that's a really good idea.
You're right. I didn't recognize it.
You know, I study handwriting in the city, obviously,
but I didn't recognize this one specifically.
Oh, so you know that you have a general idea
of the handwriting of most of the citizens here?
Quite a few, quite a few.
Those who have contributed to the to the inventory
of handwriting and the handwriting society of Derimah.
Yeah. Oh, the HSD.
Handwriting society.
Yeah, that's what we're going to call it.
Yeah. Yeah. You all seem like you like that.
That's that's a normal thing that people do outside of Derimah, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
And how often do you guys meet?
Is that also fortnightly or?
No, that's mostly just me.
So yeah, so it's a club of one.
I mean, you've got a name, so it's still it's still a club.
True story. Just wait for that next member.
Yep. We're next.
Next week, we're going to talk about
San's fonts, San's fonts.
Hmm. Mm hmm.
Oh, like Sancerra fonts.
Yeah. Yeah, that's OK. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. So you want to be part of the club?
No. You seem to know.
No, I mean, I think I'm busy that night.
Right. OK.
Anyway, back to these threatening notes.
Hmm. Yeah.
Someone if he's been threatened and there's an explosion upstairs.
I mean, there's there's someone we have on the list down
down at the down at the castle who's who frequents in explosions and.
Had smaller feet.
What do you mean by frequents in explosions?
Well, they're a bit of an alchemist themselves,
and they have a proclivity for blowing things up.
And what is this list you referred to?
This is the first I've heard of the list.
Is this related to the handwriting sample?
No, that's a different.
That's the handwriting society.
More of the criminal activities and thinking a watch list, I guess,
is probably. Yeah.
Didn't think of it when we were upstairs, because, you know, Merlock,
big on big on the whiz bang and the clangAlyding and all that sort of stuff.
And which we discussed.
The ramble and the ding dongs.
All of those and the shoe bop.
She wanted to buy.
Yippee dee boom, boom.
Oh, yeah, that's a new one.
I don't know. What a bar that.
Yeah, that one as well.
Yeah. Got that.
The Chang Chang Chang, the Chang Chibop.
Yeah. The dipty dipty dip do up to boot.
Whoop whoop.
Anyways, we can probably go check that.
I mean, we can go check that list.
We don't need to check that list.
I seem like I would know who's on that list.
I mean, it sounds.
Small feet loves explosions.
Yeah, you thought of the person.
Yeah, it's certainly pointing in one direction.
So we should at least maybe.
Do you know where they they live or hang out?
We could. And what's their name?
Yeah. Oh, oh, oh.
Name's Boots.
Boots. Yeah.
Little little goblin really likes the likes the explosions.
Well, now that you mention it, I have seen them around here before.
Could be Boots.
Now, has Boots submitted a sample to your handwriting society?
No, Boots is very
anti societies and anti anti hanging out.
Oh, well, that's not great.
No, not down to clown.
Not going out on the town.
Yeah. Not a cool kid, I think, is we're going back to Glim's notes.
Not a cool kid.
Yeah. Yeah.
Kind of a rough character.
Yes. Yeah.
So does he like hang out under a bridge or at like a dive bar or local library?
Yeah, I'm not sure where the ruffians kind of hang out here.
We've only basically hit like the castle and the brunch spot.
Yeah. Well, last last last last check in.
I've heard of Boots.
It was living just on the edge of town there, a little shack out there.
Oh, it wouldn't take too long to get over there.
So let's check in.
So maybe Boots was in prison and then they got out of prison and now they
now they have to like check in.
All of these things seem.
See, this is why I brought you along.
You spark my memory.
Yeah.
Well, it certainly couldn't hurt to go talk to Boots.
Oh, well, yeah, just as not as a suspect, just as a why maybe they saw something.
What may be to ask the expertise in this particular explosion.
Yeah. Or maybe to get a written statement and then we can compare the handwriting.
Oh, these are all good ideas.
All right. Well, let's head over to Boots.
Guys, we should be investigated.
I think we already are.
I think it might be part of our calling.
I mean, let's see how this plays out.
But I mean, like, have it feels kind of right.
It does, doesn't it? Yeah.
Not a downtown office, though, nobody get any good ideas.
No. All right.
Everybody heads back, begins heading back upstairs.
Moot, you stop and look at the book that you found.
Do you take it with you?
Do you the journal?
Yeah, I'll take it with me.
OK. You you flip it open again, just, you know, curiosity
as you're walking up the stairs and you look and you kind of scan through it
and it stops back on that image at the back.
And there's almost like this echoing sound that is coming from the book
towards you. Until it slams itself shut.
And you kind of shake your head.
And carry back on upstairs.
We cut to a rundown shack on the edge of town.
I love me a rundown shack.
It's yeah, it's like boarded up windows.
Looks like there have been explosions out in the yard,
like tree stumps blown apart.
If Sid from Toy Story,
the the carriages that have just been smashed
and exploded, dolls all over the place that have been blown up.
It is Sid.
And Terry kind of walks up and says, oh, I'll handle this one.
I'll handle this one.
And he yells up at the house, hey, Boots.
Hey, Boots, it's just me, Terry.
Just wanted to come ask you a few questions.
All three of you see movement in one of the upstairs windows,
like a torn up curtain goes.
And you see small eyes peek out and they're looking down at you.
And a small round object
flies out of the window towards you with a sparkling flame on the end.
Oh, I want to catch it.
Dumbgeons and Dragons season two, episode 101, starring Amy More as Sully,
Carla Max, Dead as Glim, Tom Laird as Moot and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Editing, production and sound design is by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Kavin MacLeod and Epidemic Sound
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch,
Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflames, T.J.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch,
Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Devin Michaels,
Christian Brown, Aaron Stevens, Lulahan and Charlie Warley.
Support Dumbgeons and Dragons and our many other productions
and get access to an exclusive podcast and bonus episodes,
including the special Flamingons and Grants bonus episode Escaping the Abyss,
available now for patrons exclusively at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
You can also follow us at Facebook.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast
and on Instagram and Twitter at Dumb Dragon Cast.
Thank you for listening. Have a great week. We'll talk again soon.
It's a beautiful morning where Glim has offered to...
Nope, Glim's there now. Can't do that one.
That's it. This is where I wrote Glim out.
All right, Carla, have a great day.
I'm doing a Zuma retreat with some of the courtiers.
I didn't write this completely down.
It's just a thought that I put down.
What was it?
I'll figure it out.
I can't tell you because otherwise it gives away something.
Oh, OK.
We'll see. When there was only one set of footprints, that was Murloc carrying you.
He's been with you the whole time.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.